Swamp Sage of the Demon School
by ThisPageHasBeenAbandoned93
Summary: AU. There are problems at Yokai Academy, problems that if left unchecked, the wrong people will try to solve. That's why I'm here. My name is Naruto...and I'm the PI of Yokai. Naru/? M for safety. INDEFINITE HIATUS - MAY BE MOVED TO ANOTHER AUTHOR
1. Case 1

**It sickens me, an author of many crossover fics, that no one has created a Rosario+Vampire crossover like I intend to now. Now, I know you're all thinking, **_**Ah, great. A new RV/N crossover. What is he this time? Shinobi? Kitsune? Vampire?**_** ENNN! The correct answer is D: None of the Above!**

**Disclaimer: I own only the plot and several OCs, Naruto and Rosario+Vampire belong to two guys that are old and slightly (See '**_**VERY'**_**) perverted. Perverted old men...Stop it! Bad Pervy Old Guys! Bad! Leave Perving to the next generation!**

**Swamp Sage of the Demon School**

**Case 1: Succubus' Plan**

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><p>It was a cloudy Wednesday night for the first year students of Yokai Academy, myself notwithstanding, in the 2003rd year after the human known as Christ's birth. I was walking towards a recent fight scene while watching the latest dumbass-of-the-year nominee slowly fade into unconsciousness. Kid's name was Saizo. Komiya Saizo if I recalled correctly from the briefing the Headmaster gave me about students to watch for this year. He was a second generation Orc, an ugly motherfucker, but strong as a bull and just as stubborn.<p>

They weren't too bright when it came to their hormones, though. I could tell from the imprint on his stomach and face that it was a girl that did this too him. I smiled at that thought, thinking someone dropped their balls and took the bastard down. Ironic and divine justice if you ask me.

When the reality of the fact I would have to find the girl that did this, I sighed and pulled a pack of smokes out. Was it healthy? Nah, but I didn't care. My species were attuned to most toxins, and smoking was a common stress reliever in my own family. Dad did it, my perverted grandfather does it, my cousins do it, and Hell, my mom even smoked when no one was in the mood for a good roll in the swamp. If ya catch my drift...If ya don't, I suggest pulling your damn eyes off the television screen and put your face in a book for once.

I pulled the marabou stick from the small packet and slid it back into my hidden pocket, next to my wallet with my identification and cards it held. My hand went to my hip in search for my lighter and I scowled when I recalled why it wasn't there. That damn _woman_ took my lighter...The smoke in my mouth hung unlit, the taste of the filter driving me insane.

I knelt next to the Orc and snorted as the smell of ass, sweat and shame filled my nostrils. His chest heaved slowly and I sighed in disappointment. The boy was going to live through this, get pissed off all over again, and then he'll most likely get beaten again, if not killed by the same girl. I growled and ground my teeth against the filter of my cig. This bastard will probably only get a slap on the wrist, a rapist like him deserves worse.

I contemplated killing the Orc, only for a moment, before my damned conscious got better of me. I grumbled and flipped my Razor out, pressing the two and then send button before walking away when the clouds started to spread and the moon rose even further. My investigation into this assault would have to be cut short, if I ever started it at all.

I had class in the morning, and I didn't want to be late.

* * *

><p>The next morning I rolled out of bed with a grimace on my face. I had an off feeling about how today was going to go, like I was going to be hit with a world of insanity. I brushed the feeling off just as soon as it came and went to the bathroom. The shower faucet took a moment to start up, a moment too late as the yelling of my neighbor's latest 'bitch' began to get on my nerves. With a growl of annoyance, the shower was shut off just as it started to turn on.<p>

With just my boxers on, I threw my bedroom door open and stormed over to my neighbor's; where shouts and crashes were being muffled by the large piece of refurbished oak. I lifted my fist and pounded on the door. Moments of silence suddenly came to my ears and I heard a male voice whisper, "Oh shit, it's _him_..."

"Open the damn door!" I hollered, deciding to ignore the way he said 'him' (obviously referring to me) and pounding my fist on it again, "Open it before I kick it down, Ero-baka!"

"W-Wait! Wait just a minute!" the male voice said before he tried to calm the angered female(s?) that was shrieking a moment ago for someone's blood. His attempts to calm her (or was it them?) did nothing to stop the door from being opened. My eyes widened slightly upon seeing two girls (them it was), both looking exactly the same, and they both had the face of fury on their exotic faces.

They appeared to be twins, most likely the third year girls named Ere and Eji, both from west Africa. The last name of the girls escapes my mind as I'm blown away by their immense beauty. Faces resembling those of tales I heard long ago and legs that just kept going. Their busts were fair and from the looks of the one on the left, Ere I think, she was the one leaving and the right, Eji, was the one apparently entering. I suspect that they must have both been unaware of the other's actions in this room until this morning.

A second later; sly grins crossed their faces and they had linked their arms around my own, their eyes gleaming with mischief and lust.

It was then I thanked my father for passing on his good looks to me and I muttered a small curse under my breath as I realized that I'd have to do laundry again tonight. I hate laundry. Damn machines take too long to clean anything.

"So long, Morioka Ginei," the one on my right said with a smirk as they pulled me away from the horrified and awestruck brunette teen staring with a slack jaw. The one on my left finished where her sister left off, "Hope you burn in hell!"

Needless to say, I wouldn't be making my first class. But I now had a hell of a reason to have a smile for the rest of the day!

* * *

><p>My third class was a class I wished I had missed, but I had to attend in order to meet my informant. Nekonome Shizuka, the blending-in teacher and the teacher in charge of the school's newspaper club, a cat woman with beautiful short red hair and an enticing green eye color. I smiled at her as I walked past her place at the left of the doorway, welcoming her old students back. We were given a proper welcome and went straight to classwork. Probabilities of marrying a human and what to do to keep them alive in case your parents discover them.<p>

I simply wrote: "Don't introduce to parents. _Ever_."

Easy A, right there.

After class, I ditched the school jacket that I had covered with a spell to make it seem like I was dressed in the school uniform beneath my chair, before approaching the teacher. I pulled a smoke out and stuck it in my mouth, not daring to light it in front of the most unpredictable and violent teachers in the class.

That is exactly why I like her most out of all my other teachers.

"Ohayo Numanokenja-kun," she greeted me with a smile, her tail slowly swishing back and forth. I gave her a small smile back in return before sliding the door shut. I went to the one open window and shut it with one hand before turning around and pulling a notebook and a pencil out.

"What'cha got for me, Shizuka-sensei?" I asked, tapping the pencil on the edge of the small notebook. Whenever I had a case, I tended to get excited...I blame my grandfather. He's the one that taught me all of this shit that's getting me through life; this morning's activities with Ere and Eji included.

Shizuka smiled and sat at her desk, pulling a small paper out and holding it out to me, "My second class student, Arashi Rin, has come to me with a complaint of being dumped."

I arched a brow. Sounded a little too lame to be my problem. I even voiced my opinion on this, "And this is my problem, because...Why?"

"She says her boyfriend is a Golem."

"That...would make sense," I muttered, taking the paper and opening it before arching a brow and looking back at Shizuka, "Her room number?"

"Hai. Be careful," the teacher said with a smile, "Wouldn't want to _read_ about another botched case."

I grunted and turned away, fully intent on solving this before someone got _their_ attention. I ran my hand through my messy blonde hair as I looked at the paper in my hand. Flat 314, eh? I crumpled the paper up in my hand before jamming it into my pocket. Looks like it's time to pay Rin-chan a visit.

* * *

><p>I lifted my arm to knock on the door of the client before sounds of argument nearly two doors down got my attention. Door 318. Something about that sent off bells in my head, but I shrugged it off. Wasn't the first time I got a bad vibe on a case, and probably (unfortunately) wouldn't be the last. I went to the door and pressed my ear against it.<p>

"Goodbye Moka-chan," a boy's voice said before the door was pulled open and I was brought face-to-face with a bored looking teen. He was nearly a few inches taller than myself and had the smell of a..._human_? I did a mental double take at that and sniffed again.

Instantly, I put my hand on the teen's throat and growled as I shoved him back, walking into the room he was leaving. He didn't seem to notice or struggle, oddly enough. Then again, humans were always strange to me. I pushed the brown haired boy against the wall and a guttural growl came from my throat. I pulled a fist back, ready and willing to send the boy to the netherworld.

"Wait!" a girl's voice cried behind me. I looked over my right shoulder and assessed her. Nearly my height with long pink hair, full breasts that had to be C, maybe a low D, cups. First year, based on her jacket's school insignia's coloring. A Rosario adorned her neck, and I could sense something...angry within her.

"He's human," I said, and her eyes widened in fear, which caused mine to narrow, "And you've known...What's your name, Miss?"

"A-Akashiya Moka," she replied with a stutter, "P-Please...don't hurt him!"

I looked from the girl to the human and back before asking, "What's _his_ name?"

"T-Tsukune," Moka said, "Aono Tsukune. Who are you?"

"Numanokenja Naruto," I replied, leaning in and sniffing the boy's neck before coughing and backing away. His neck smelt like perfume. A lot of perfume. It was like he bathed in perfume, ate perfume, and then took a walk through a fragrance shop followed by a trip to the loo with a flowery shit. In Layman's terms, he smelt like springtime in the meadow.

"Numanokenja...I've...heard that before..." Moka mumbled. I ignored her thinking as I examined the human, Tsukune. Wiry build, book-smart appearance, shaggy brown hair...and from the perspective of a female, the human was not too bad on the eyes, either. Damn you bisexual amphibious instincts...

I turned his head to the left and right before sighing and releasing him. Without a word, he simply just walked out the door and slammed it shut. Scratching my head, I looked back at Moka and asked, "What's his deal?"

Moka, noticing that Tsukune had left, frowned and crossed her arms before replying, "We...had a fight..."

I mentally rolled my eyes at her reaction while my detective face held strong, "About?"

"He, ugh, I don't know. Tsukune-kun suddenly wanted me to leave him alone," Moka sniffled out. I groaned under my breath. Crying girls were _not_ my forte. I watched as she worked herself up before sighing and hesitantly pulled her into a comforting hug, my arms barely tightening around her. The moment I did so though, the dam broke and she buried her face into my chest. Dammit, I liked this shirt too...Shit, now I have _more_ laundry!

"Uh, there...there Akashiya-san," I hesitantly comforted her as I patted her back, "I'm sure he'll come back..."

Moka seemed to freeze in my arms. I swore under my breath, why? Because I probably fucked up again...It's like a guarantee with me! This is why I hate being a comforting shoulder for girls...I'm a damn detective, not a boyfriend, scratch that, 'friend that is a guy'. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing when it comes to a female's emotions (thank you Dad).

"T-Thank you, Naruto-kun," Moka sniffled out a minute later, leaving my embrace and allowing me to sigh quietly in relief, "I...I've got to go talk to him."

I nodded in understanding, "Good luck. I've got a...something to do. So long Akashiya-san."

"Goodbye Naruto-kun!" Moka said as she left, giving me a rather nice smile. I sighed and scratched the back of my head.

"Well damn...I should've probably capitalized on that..." I mumbled before smirking and looking up, "You wish, Ero-jiji."

* * *

><p>I left my interview with Rin-san nearly an hour after I helped Moka calm down. Apparently Rin's boyfriend had become smitten with another girl. One with blue hair, a sultry smile, and a nice bust size, definitely double Ds or even an E cup. To get even more specific, she wears a yellow school sweater over a white shirt with a red tie and her hair has ribbons in it and she's maybe about 5' 2" with the figure of a model. How do I know all of that? Well it's simple.<p>

She's standing right in front of me, in her true form. Now she had a tail, talons, and an even more promiscuous form.

God, I hate the Succubi race. They give women a bad name. Not to mention they like to fuck with our, our meaning men's, hormones, emotions, and minds...damn bitches...

Currently the girl was standing across from a now silver haired Moka (who also looks more promiscuous, I sense a growing theme for this year's freshmen female population) and the human Tsukune was looking nervously between Kurumu and Moka. This kid's either one of three things: brave, stupid, or most likely, a goddamn coward. Personally, my money's on the last option. I think I can smell a hint of urine coming from his pants. Christ, I should just kill him and save him the heart attack. The way he's shaking in the legs, it's obvious he's done with us.

Then again...when's the last time I could fuck around with anyone?

"You don't deserve Tsukune-kun!" the girl exclaimed to Moka, snapping my attention from the coward, "He's _my_ Destined One and with him, I shall give birth to the next generation of Succubi!"

"Oh, and if he's not?" Moka countered. I furrowed my brows in confusion, was it me, or did her voice seem much more...bubbly when we talked?

"Then he shall join my harem of boys!" Kurumu exclaimed with a smirk. I blanched and fought down my gag-reflex, choosing instead to interfere when a familiar scent hit my nose. A scent that always ended with someone getting arrested, aka, vanishing from the face of existence.

"Oi, Akashiya-san," I called, walking into the fray and easily parting a path through the circle of witnesses. Both girls looked my way, the red-eyed silver haired...oh dear god, she's a vampire...girl arched a delicate brow while the other girl seemed to rage even more. Ignoring the succubi radiating hatred to the vampire, I continued, "Take your pledge, servant, or whatever the hell Aono is and go. I've got to deal with this girl..."

"Humph, I shall do no such thing," Moka replied, crossing her arms under her ample bosom, "In fact; _you_ shall be the one to run along. Understand?"

I narrowed my eyes and forced some yokai into them, allowing my true eyes to come forth and glare holes into her head. I was inwardly pleased to see some sweat appear on her head and spoke with authority, "Listen Akashiya, I don't care what your beef with this girl is, but I've got a job to do. Don't get in my way. I'd hate to see you get all dirty..."

"Filthy vermin," the vampire sneered at me, "You dare speak down to me? Know your place-Ah!"

I blocked her attempted axe kick with one hand and gripped her heel tightly. Pushing her aside, I walked past her and flicked the blue haired succubus in the forehead, sending her flying nearly fifty feet. Thank you, Granny! The girl groaned from her spot and I turned to look at an amazed Akashiya Moka. With a prideful smirk, I taunted, "And I don't have to wear a Rosario...imagine that."

Akashiya narrowed her eyes and glared at me, "This isn't over, Numanokenja."

"Perhaps," I said looking back at the girl before sliding to the right as I avoided another kick. The ground shattered at the impact and I narrowed my eyes at her, "So...Saizo was you're doing? I approve. Keep it cleaner next time though, ok? Don't want you to get the wrong person's attention..."

With that said, I went to my 'captive' and grabbed her shoulder. I placed a paper on the blue-haired girl's head, which caused the Succubus to revert to her hidden form, before picking her up and carrying her like a sack of potatoes. With a nod to the vampire that was staring me down, I turned and left. There was a mutual agreement that next time we met, we would see which blood is stronger.

That of the Vampire Lords or that of the Swamp Sages...

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><p><strong>AN: Oh you know it's an awesome new story. I'm working on 'Will of the Green Flame' as well as trying to get the next chap for 'This is War' started. My poor mams has pneumonia and she's not exactly happy that I'm writing right now, so...Review peeps...Review!<strong>

**(YYYYOOOOOOOUUUUUUTHHHH)**


	2. Case 2

**Wow, so many of you approve of my first non-Marvel/DC crossover fic! Thanks for that!**

**Disclaimer: I own only the plot and several OCs, Naruto and Rosario+Vampire belong to two guys that are old and slightly (See '**_**VERY'**_**) perverted. Perverted old men...Stop it! Bad Pervy Old Guys! Bad! Leave Perving to the next generation!**

**Swamp Sage of the Demon School**

**Case 2: Wet Feet**

* * *

><p>I rolled out of bed the next morning wearing only my boxers. What? They're flimsy, somewhat warm, and do their job. Plus, like dear ole Dad, anything else just seems too...restraining...not to mention my species like the humid swamps, as in my family name, and my room is often kept at high temperatures. Hey, Era and EJ weren't complaining...if that's what their names were...<p>

I stood and stretched; my left hand extending up before going to the back of my head and scratching while my right arm remained in the air as I yawned. However, I paused during mid-stretch as a tired feminine moan echoed through my room. Snapping my head over to the left, and there sitting in my satellite chair I had received from Granny Tsunade for passing the Rites of Adulthood, was the Succubus from the day before. Kurono Kurumu, her name I think.

With an annoyed growl (what do I look like a damn charity case? No free rooms!) I went over to the blue haired girl and shook her by the shoulder. Her purple eyes snapped open and locked onto my own irritated blue ones. Standing upright, completely forgetting how I tended to sleep, I glared down at the unrestrained girl now staring at my chest (which made me a little uncomfortable).

"Why'd you try to hypnotize the entire male student body?" I asked, getting her attention immediately. She smiled, in what I believe was to be a sultry attempt, and stood up, causing me to step back cautiously. Kurumu took another step towards me and pressed her chest against mine. Being in complete control of my hormones (as expected by the heir to the Numanokenja line), I ignored the pleasant softness of her twin pillows flattening against my chest and stared defiantly down at her. That wasn't to say I didn't take notice of the DD cups pressing against me, I may be a clan heir, but I'm not an idiot. My grandfather saw to that.

"Now why would you go and accuse me of such a thing, handsome?" the succubus asked, her arms wrapping around my neck. I could feel the tingling of a seduction charm starting in the back of my head and I willed it away, all the while not breaking my eye contact with my convict.

"Because unlike _Aono_," I lowly growled back as I grabbed her wrists and slowly placed her arms back at her sides, "I _can_ break out of your charms without a girl's help."

Kurumu blinked up at me with awe before smirking, "Nice try. I've heard that before, believe it or not, and those boys _still_ come chasing me."

"Which makes you that much more despicable," I snarled, making her scowl instantly, "Where's the Golem?"

"Who?"

"Don't start with me, Kurono," I growled, pushing her away from me with restrained anger, "I'm not the type of being to play games with."

"Aw, but I like games..." the succubus playfully pouted. I simply crossed my arms and narrowed my eyes.

"Golem. Location. Now."

"Well since you asked so nicely," Kurumu purred, making me scoff. Only one girl so far had been able to affect me with that type of voice, and I haven't seen her since I've returned to Yokai Academy. Angered that this...this mockery of a female had managed to remind me of _her_, I grabbed the succubus by her shoulders and channeled my energy to reveal a fraction of my full form. My eyes grew larger while they turned yellow and became toad-like, my hair grew half-an-inch and darkened from the neon sun-color that it was into an even darker, duller yellow.

"Listen _slut_," I growled, making the girl's eyes widen in fear as I slipped some of my youkai into my killer intent, "Now you've gone and ticked me off. I said I want the location of the Golem, and I meant it. Now tell me what I wanna know or I'm going to show you just why my family is offered truces before a war breaks out!"

Obviously shaken, Kurumu spoke, "R-R-room 231...he left me for a member of the swimming club..."

I scowled and released her as I went to my bedside table, picking up my packet of smokes and the matches I snatched off the science teacher. Pulling a nicotine stick out of the pack, I placed it in my mouth. I broke a match off, dragged it across the back of the match packet, lighting the stick, and lit the end of my cig. After lighting my death stick, I took an intake of it and relished in the feeling of nicotine rushing through my veins and soothing my nerves.

Looking back at a wide-eyed, big breasted, _still dressed_ (I can stress the importance of that), blue haired teenage girl, I blinked in confusion before, with my cigarette in my mouth, I asked her, "What the _fuck_ are you lookin' at?"

Without missing a beat, the fear left her face and a sultry, slightly seductive smirk crossed her face. Pointing at my body, Kurumu purred out, "I'm looking at a fucking sexy son-of-a-bitch...that maybe wants to let me go?"

The embarrassment of still being naked in front of the damn freshman having left at the rest of her purr, if you could call it that, I scowled and went to my door, opened it, and snarled, "Get the fuck out of my room!"

And thus began the hell known as being Kurumu's Chosen One.

Nearly as bad as being my old sensei's "Rival"...Yeah, _nearly_ as bad.

* * *

><p>I yawned as I listened to Shizuka-sensei drone on and on about the Newspaper club. Apparently, I've got a new problem concerning the missing Golem. Joining a human swim club is fun and dandy when you're technically a false human living a lie, but when you're in Yokai Academy; it's a whole 'nother ball-park. I should know...As it is today, only two boys made it through the "inauguration" of the Swimming Club.<p>

My grandfather and my father are both of them.

Today, I'm becoming the Third.

"I just hope everyone keeps to the rules and remember to sign up for the Newspaper Club!" Shizuka-sensei said with a smile, her cat tail swishing from side to side eagerly as the bell rang. I stayed behind again; watching the class file out of the room when I blinked in surprise at seeing the pink haired vampire Akashiya Moka, heir to the Alucard bloodline on her mother's side while her father is one of 'The Big Three', stop just outside of the door along with her lost puppy of a human Aono Tsukune. The crowded room emptied to just myself and the teacher, and then Moka walked back in, the nervous Tsukune following shortly afterwards.

"Oh, hello Akashiya-san, Aono-san! Have you decided to sign up for the Newspaper Club?" Shizuka-sensei asked with a smile. Tsukune nervously scratched the back of his head and Moka politely shook hers in the negative. I growled to myself, knowing what they, or rather, what Moka wanted.

"Maybe later, Shizuka-sensei," the pink haired girl politely said with a smile before looking at me, "I...wanted to speak to Naruto-kun."

"Of course you did," I muttered, scowling as I looked to the door to make sure no one stayed behind. Grunting as I stood, I shucked the spell-covered school-jacket from my body and stuffed it into the desk's 'secret' storage unit. A unit I added, mind you. That's aside from the point however.

Tsukune, the cowardly shit-stain of a human that he is, jumped six feet in the air when I suddenly changed clothes. My normal white _blouse_ changed into a form-fitting blue shirt with the Numanokenja kanji for Oil on the front of it in a bright orange, a homage to my grandfather Jiraiya, Sage Elder of the Toads, the tie seen around my neck was changed into the necklace handed down from my grandmother Tsunade, Princess of the Slugs, to me on my birth. My brown khakis and shoes were replaced with tan cargos and open-toe, battle-ready combat sandals.

Don't judge me; it's a family thing to wear the combat sandals...well, aside from Baachan and Ero-jiji, or Ma and Pa...or Elder-sama...Never mind.

I stuck my hands in my pockets and tilted my head to the right, studying the surprised form of Moka. Her emerald eyes nearly as wide as saucers. Her mouth popped open and shut as I pulled out a packet of smokes, pulling a stick from the pack, putting it in my mouth and...

"Son of a _bitch_!" I yowled as the back of my head was struck hard with a meter stick. Tears welled at the corners of my eyes and I stared questioningly at Shizuka-sensei.

"Language!" Shizuka-sensei scolded me, smacking me again with the meter stick. I yelped again and held my head, my cigarette miraculously remaining in my mouth. When I looked at her again, she had a fire in her eyes and continued, "And that first one was for trying to smoke!"

"Aw, c'mon, Shizuka-sensei!" I whined, pulling the stick from my mouth with my left hand, "Can't ya just let me do it once-YEOW! OK, OK!"

I put my sticks away, grumbling as I did so, before walking towards the door. I heard, rather than saw, Moka and Tsukune follow me as I left the classroom, bee-lining for the exit out onto the school grounds.

And that's when _it_ struck.

"Naruto-kun!" cried a familiar (and highly unwanted) voice as the owner leapt onto my back, flattening her obscenely large assets against my spine. I grunted as her arms wrapped around my neck and her face appeared on the left of mine. She smiled seductively and said, "I missed _you_!"

"Yeah, I'll just bet you did," I replied with distain. Don't get me wrong, I'm not gay or anything (multiple girls around the school can atone to that), but this chick is so damn hell-bent on getting in my pants, it's kind of a turn-off. Weird, right?

"K-Kurono-san!" Tsukune gasped, getting the bluenette's attention and allowing me to see, yet again, a wide-eyed, sweating Aono Tsukune as well as a...Huh, look at that. Seems that whole 'Power turns on Vamps' is true. Poor Moka-san seems unsure whether to scowl at the bluenette or frown in jealousy...then again, what do I know?

"Hm? Oh, hey Aono-san, Akashiya-san," the succubus greeted nonchalantly, making me sigh in dismay. She's definitely decided I'm her "Chosen One"...fuck...

"U-Uh...Huh? Y-You mean...you're not going to try to..._seduce_ me?"

Is it wrong that I take pride in making that chicken-shit of a meat-sack feel _bad_ about not getting the attention of a Succubus? Cuz if it is, I don't give a flying fuck. Best. Year. Ever.

"You? What do you have going for you?" Kurumu snorted, releasing me as she went to walk around the now terrified (I wonder if this fucktard is into BDSM...on the receiving end) Tsukune. She hummed disapprovingly and began speaking again, "I mean, you do have a cute face...a nice scent, which helps, I guess. But you're not special. You're scrawny, thin, cowardly, submissive, and to be blunt-" Yeah, because none of those earlier adjectives are blunt enough... "You're just so..._dull_."

Seeing Tsukune hang his head in depression, I rolled my eyes. Grow some balls, smack the bitch, and then cry to yourself while eating chocolate...fucking pansy-ass human. A familiar weight wrapped around my neck and I growled in annoyance. Don't bring me into this, don't bring me into this while there's a swarm of girls yet to be tainted, a few guys that are curious, and even some of _them_ hidden amongst the crowd.

"Naruto-kun is strong," Kurumu purred, rubbing my chest and making me growl in irritation. She seriously does not know ANYTHING about putting someone down! You do it in private, make their minds believe you, and then in public, they'll fuck themselves over by brushing off any attempt for help. I nearly smacked myself when her next sentence left her mouth, "Not to mention...he's very _forceful_ when he wants something. Not a submissive pansy. Now _that's_ hot!"

"Dear Kami, why do you hate me so?" I asked the sky, looking up at the roof with a pleading face, "I say my prayers, I do my katas...Did I fuck the wrong being in a past life?"

My words went unnoticed as Kurumu continued with a smirk, "You can keep hanging onto him, Akashiya-san. Aono-san is as useful to me as a dildo is to a straight guy."

I rolled my eyes as the gathered crowd laughed and decided that I've had enough. Walking past Kurumu and standing before Tsukune, I said, "Grow a set, tell her to fuck off, and give me a Lincoln bill. I've got shit to do, and while hearing you get stomped on every other minute is 'fun', I would rather find the swim club booth so I can find a retarded mud-man and get him back to his girl so he can sleep on the couch for leaving her."

A gasp echoed through the crowd and whispers soon followed. I ignored the whispers and began walking through the halls, looking this way and that for the swimming clubs' podium. Unfortunately, I managed to gather the wrong people's attention at the worst times. Mostly female attention...it's the most probable attention one can obtain.

"Hey, isn't that...?"

"Holy crap!"

"Aw! How'd that slut get _him_?"

"Shut up, you know what they say _he_ does to annoyances, right?"

"Eep!"

I sighed and ignored the massive group forming behind me as I walked towards the Mermaids, locking eyes with the recruiter as she donned a blush. I blinked in confusion before I recalled our last meeting nearly four months into our first year together. Oh yes, that night was one she'll never forget.

"Tamao-chan," I greeted with a smile as I neared the recruiter's table, her face now becoming a bright pink as her long sea-blue hair framed it nicely.

"N-Naruto-kun...?" she stuttered back. Inwardly I smirked, thanking my Grandfather for teaching me how to use my Pheromones on specific targets. As she succumbed to my pheromone's effects, I looked her over for the slightest bit of information.

Her left bang nearly hid a small speck of dirt just outside of her ear from my eyes. On her wrist was a mark that was faint. A cross imprint? No, doesn't fit with a mermaid profile. A net mark! Ah, she was nearly caught last summer; I'll have to check on her once I find the golem. Hmm, oh, her shell has been replaced with a conch on her necklace! She's officially in _that_ feeding phase, then. Better play it careful.

"So, Tamao-chan," I started, snapping the mermaid from her thoughts, "I'd like to sign up for the Swimming Club."

"R-Really!-Um, er, I mean, really?" her enthusiastic response dropped into one of attempted sultry. Behind me, I felt a pair of glares whizz by my head and straight at Tamao. Intriguing...

"Yes, and I'd also bet that Aono-baka would like to too...unless of course, he'd rather join the Kay-_rah_-tae club," I said, dragging the puissant into my conversation. Tamao glanced past my shoulder uninterestedly at the boy, giving him a once over before looking back at me with (what appeared to be) lust in her eyes.

"I'm sure the other girls will enjoy his company, Naruto-_kun_," Tamao purred. I chuckled to myself at her seductive attempt. Although much more effective than Kurono's attempts, Tamao's still didn't leave enough of an impact to make me think, _Hmm, maybe this mermaid will make a good mate?_

Then again, a species that requires the mates to mate in the water, a dance that 98 percent of the time kills the male participant, might only know how to be mothers-in-mourning...Ah, well, a thought to stew on.

I picked the clipboard up and wrote my name down, followed by a number that I then tore from the sheet, giving to the blushing girl before me. As she took the paper from my hand, I pulled her closer and whispered harshly in her ear; "If I don't approach you before four, meet me in this room I've specified."

Walking away from a confused, concerned and aroused mermaid with a stern look on my face, I missed the harsh words traded between the Succubus and said fish-woman. I also missed the way that Akashiya had 'lost' Aono in a crowd as she tried to follow me.

Key word being tried.

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><p>It was fifteen minutes since I signed up for the swim club and I was investigating the swimming pools' nearby shacks. The first four, at a glance, were normal, neat, tidy, and clean of any foul play andor evidence. The last was the one that got my immediate attention, however. The windows were filthy from the inside. Multiple footprints could be seen behind the building, and bodies of some male students were visible as their limbs stuck out from below the surface.

Yeah, I had a feeling this was where the Golem was.

"Tito," I called as I strolled towards the shack, "Oh, Tito~!"

Expectedly, a clump of rock, mud, and soil soared over my head. A warning. I felt the grin cross my face. This dirt man has no idea what he's dealing with. I feigned an apologetic sigh (inwardly, I was screaming in glee at the prospect of a proper fight), before shucking my jacket from my shoulders.

"Come out, Tito," I called again, before my voice hardened, "Come out...Golem!"

The door to the shack shot off its hinges as it was kicked away. I sidestepped the wooden craft, not removing my eyes from the shack's shadowed entrance, before returning to my previous position and crossing my arms.

"Tito...You've been a naughty, naughty boy..." I chastised, getting a guttural shriek for a response, "Well, now, that's just rude! You want to be that nasty, at least come out and say it to my face!"

"Hey, who are you?" a voice called, stopping another shriek in the middle of its cry. I turned to see a purple haired girl, possibly a year older than myself, step into the clearing. Her height was just a few inches shorter than my own, making it equal to that of Akashiya, but her chest was a little lacking in any attraction value however. She wore the standard Academy swimsuit with a floral skirt tied at her waist. She looked at the shack and scowled before glaring at me, "What are you doing to Ti-koi?"

I arched a brow, glancing to the shack before returning my attention to her, "I've been hired to find Tito-san and return him. You will order him out here and he will come with me. Understood?"

Now, had I been a complete imbecile, that sentence would have been much more vulgar, angry/frustrated, and threatening. But I am a professional, hence why I had used a dominant tone, stern wording, and a forceful release of yokai.

The girl swallowed heavily, "T-Ti-koi! Help me!"

I allowed the briefest of smirks to cross my face before turning to face my opponent-to-be and cracking my neck.

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><p><strong>To Be Continued...<strong>

**AN: Ah, to update a crossover relieves me like no one can believe...Please do review.**

**...No, seriously: REVIEW!**


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